It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
