It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
