So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
