Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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