I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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