But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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