This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
