ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
