Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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