So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Barsexuality is the new black.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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