True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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