You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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