I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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