So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
