the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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