Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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