just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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