Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
