Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
