fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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