She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize