we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
