How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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