How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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