I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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