glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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