why do cheetos always look like penises
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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