we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
