Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
