I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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