your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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