hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
