Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
