I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
