yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
