So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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