are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
