it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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