I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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