So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
