So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
