this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
