just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
