fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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