Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
