Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
