I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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