I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
