idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
