So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
