i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
