9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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