Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
