This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
