today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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