Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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