he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
