I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
