i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
