Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
