from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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