Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
