If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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