I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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