i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
