Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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