Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was confusing and full of hummus
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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