I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
