Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
