At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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