last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
