Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You ate ashes out of my bong
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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