im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
