Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
