return my video game
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
