I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
