Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
